BULK UP WITH CELTIC STEAKS
{Demonstration by Bryan J, 03.11.07}

Bryan J demonstrates how to bulk up this St. Patrick's Day with the perfect Celtic warrior steak. What you'll need:

1.) Steaks. A good old fashion Irish American steak is the New York Strip Sirloin. Next in line is the Porterhouse, in which the large side of the bone is the sirloin and on the small side is a tenderloin. These are great for a couple where the lass likes the smaller tenderloin and the Irishman likes the larger sirloin serving. The T-bone is fine, if not cut too thin. It‘s simply a sirloin with the bone left on.

2.) Boston Celtics Kick Butt Injection Marinade:
2 teaspoons salt, 2 teaspoons pepper, 1 teaspoon parsley flakes, 1 tablespoon dried oregano, 1/4 teaspoon rosemary, 1 large clove garlic, 1 medium onion, finely chopped, 1/2 cup vinegar, 1 cup olive oil, 1 fistful fresh basil. Combine all ingredients in blender and blend marinade until fine enough to pass through an meat injection needle.

At the last Ohio Natural Bodybuilding Federation's Mr. Natural Ohio contest Bryan J took: 1.) 1st place and best poser in Junior Under 24 class , 2.) 2nd place men's open lightweight class, and 3.) 2nd place novice under 170 lbs. class. Esh shirt shown: DRINK & FIGHT.

You got a special recipe for Esh? Contact us.

Tenderized steak by a fierce pounding of a meat mallet. A meat mallet is a small block of wood or metal attached to a handle. The best types of mallet have a flat side for beating and a waffle pattern side for tenderizing.

If your local butcher does not have a meat mallet, then you can do the same work with just a little effort. In old Ireland, before the meat mallet was invented, the ancient Celts used a double headed battle axe to tenderize or reduce the thickness of cuts of meat.

Battle axes generally weigh far less than modern splitting axes (unless it is comprised of all steel as shown above), however, they are to be wielded two-handed.

When wielding the axe one-handed be prepared to use your core strength. Consult a physician before attempting this advanced movement.

Once you build your core, you can try using unilateral strikes. This speeds up the meat tenderization process. You will find this technique very effective during larger parties where a lot of trenderized meat is needed right away.

To get that gusher feeling when you chomp down on your meal, simply inject your favorite condiments or marinade. Many cooks like to use injection systems for permeating meat with tenderizer and/or flavoring.

Ancient Celts used the blood of their fallen enemies as the base for their injection marinade. These days you can try a modern Bostonian marinade called Boston Celtics Kick Butt Injection Marinade.

Facts on Beef Fats: Beef fat has received an undeserved black eye. First and foremost, your body needs a certain amount of fat to function properly. Second, fat imparts a great deal of flavor to any meat. Moreover, beef cattle today are raised with much reduced fat levels. So called "marbleized" beef is a thing of the past. As a nation we don't cook sirloin steaks every other night for dinner. The grilling process renders out a significant amount of the fat count.

Turn, don’t stab (unless they are Romans). Tongs are the most important tool in the griller’s workshop, enabling you to turn the steak without stabbing it. Look for spring loaded, long-handled tongs--14 to 16 inches. For an authentic Ancient Celtic method of turning steaks, Bryan uses an ancient tool called 'scissor tongs' with rubber handles.

Test for Doneness. This really does take practice. For rare, let your left hand hang loose in front of you. Poke your right index finger into the fleshy part of your left hand between your index finger and thumb. It will offer very little resistance and is soft and pliable. This is how a steak cooked rare will feel to the touch. For medium rare, extend the same left hand but this time spread out your fingers and poke the same spot with your right index finger. You'll see that it is firmer and a little springy to the touch. This is how a steak cooked medium rare will feel. For medium, make a fist with your left hand and poke again. It should feel firm and only give a little. This is how the medium steak will feel. For those how like their meat well done, they are pussies and don't deserve a steak.

Instead tenderize their face by breaking their eye sockets with a fist full of brass knuckles. Keep busting him in the eye until he submits to a rare Celtic steak. At this point you have the option of taking the punk's 'lady' aka ho. A typical set of brass knuckles is formed from one solid piece of metal--either aluminum, brass or another alloy. One end is formed into four open loops which fit loosely around the fingers. The other end forms a curve which fits squarely into the closed palm. When a fighter puts his fingers through the loops and allows the curved end to nestle into his palm, the result is a much tighter fist. The fingers cannot be driven into the palm, and the metal grip provides additional weight.

When using brass knuckles, the Irish often use a rolling punch with a glancing blow. This protects the fingers and causes more damage to the opponent. Contrary to popular belief, the brass knuckles themselves only cause secondary damage. The idea is to increase punching power to the fist, not be a weapon in and of itself.

Above all have fun. Make everyday St. Patricks Day. Enjoy friends, family, food and drink and song. Get huge; get Celtic huge. And remember the old Irish Gaelic proverb, "Ol siar é agus ná lig anear é! (Drink it back and don't let it up again!)".